Well here I give you a small
Insight into my own personal vision, my Secret garden, my
tastes about life, love, lust and music...
It all began with a Shout
by a guy on January 16th 1973 , who was given a New Life
and a some serious start in Life.I
began all this alone, my only Sibeling, having unfortunately left me
some years ago ...
I’ve been lucky, my parents educated
me well and the best way they could... They showed me Love in itself
, that People are People, we’re not animals , you have to respect others
as well as they respect you... and that you’ve got to Work Hard to
finally get something valuable in life
I was lucky enough in my childhood,
I’ve been close to Death’s door, but with luck I could Shake the
disease that was spreading in me...finally everything seemed to get right
with me and I had a nice childhood, a bit alone , but nice anyway , being
an imaginative kid with my head full of Stories of Old, I’ve always
been attracted to history and to facts people make you keep In your memory,
at that time I was attracted by archeology ...
There was a sudden change in my
life, I think I always tried to search my own Personal Jesus , something
strong and Sacred , By the age of 13 I discovered Depeche Mode, in
1986, and since then I Just can’t get nough of their music, but even
with that , even if I was deep into religion something changed in me, it was
just A question of time since I would change and this sudden change
came , And then ....
I was just a Little 15 but
I think of those Dangerous times and stupid things I’ve done I feel
a bit of Shame, I think I hit The bottom Line at that period,
I had dark feelings in me, all I wanted was like having a Black Celebration,
wanting to have Nothing More than a party , and acting like
Fools with the people who were my friends at that time.
I was quite dark at that time (
maybe my Memphisto personality revealing at that time) I was thinking
everything I would do would be Useless, and around us there was nothing
but a World full of Nothing.
I was just Waiting for the night
to fall , to see things different ways, and taste all different Painkillers
to ease that pain in me... I think that at that time I sometimes wish I
was dead, I barely was Home and made my aprents worry about me
, I know now that I shouldn’t have done that, but I had this stupid
feeling of Freestate where that Pleasure,Little Treasure I was
looking for, was near me...
I always knew I was far from that
Sweetest perfection people look into others... I knew something was
wrong that I had to Get the balance right again in my life It’s
no good to be left his way and to being carried away by this Sea of
sin... but I knew at that time that Any second now, I could turn
to something bad, I didn’t felt well Walking in my shoes, I had to
Rush to being better a again, to be more " Clean ", before it
was too late... like a Two minutes warning before the accident...
It hasn’t been easy to being back
, it still isn’t now ,it seems like you’re coming out of Pipeline where
you barely see the exit, and when you come out of it, It seems like you’re
staring down the Barrel of a gun.
What is Even harder at these times
is to see all these people who Lie to me, and hurted me by the Things
you said... It seemed that I had a bad Halo , that all aroud me
seemed to turn bad like a Monument collapsing, it was like the Sun
and the Rainfall between the situation I lived before, even if it was
more Dangerous I felt better before...Finally you see that all around you
is a game of " Master and Servant " where people use you until they
don’t need anymore . And after that they Leave in Silence, without
you noticing, leaving you alone to Enjoy the silence, this silence
which can hurt sometimes... you feel like all people around you act like Judas...
that’s hard to see that finally hear those Blasphemous rumours about
you that start when people don’t need you anymore, all you want to do is get
back In your room to cry in silence and ease that pain and telling
that this thing beating inside you and it’s called a heart, isn’t turning
into a Ice Machine and making you unsensitive
I just wanted people I care for
to Never let me down again. It’s during that time that you have to
find that Mercy in you... to forget all those bad moments, to see that
it doesn’t matter anymore this feeling of being nothing else but Puppets.
And that I did decided that my policy in life would be the Policy of truth,
cause even if it hurts it’s better to know how clearly things are...
All this seem to be strange ...
but that’s plainly life it’s just A question of lust, pain, and love,
I’m sure all of these are really related to each other...
You may feel some Condemnation
about my way of thinking and acting... I’m just trying on my own to get again
Behind the wheel , leading my own life as I want...I may have lost
part of My joy in my life but after all I’m still here...
Now I finally found that thing
basic and so hard to find : Love
I don’t want someone dreaming
of me , cause that won’t ever happen, I’m no top model or superman...
I found that Somebody that will shows me the real Meaning of Love
, who with One Caress lets me say "I Feel Loved" and make
me feel the happier I’ve ever been, and I try to make her feel the Happiest
girl in the world....I’ve really got that Higher love not a Strangelove
where we are both happy, wanting no more than to See you and Feel
You
I want to have and to hold
these moments, like taking a photographic picture of them and keep
them all inside me...
Finally It’s Only when I lose
myself in Someone else then I’ll find myself, so I want it now,
I want to give her all that Love inside me and share that vision of the World
in my eyes, which for now is still nice but I fear may turn darker with
time like the "Dead of Night" ...I may have " Stripped
" myself a lot in this message, but that’s how I truly am, and just know that
Everything counts in this world, for anyone, even some simple words
sometimes to help someone feel better and finally Breathe freely...
Right now with that Love and care I Shine in my life and feel so much Freelove from the one I love, that I can keep the Dream On in my life making me go further away.
I got married to someone who's really important to me, that lovely woman called Perrine shows me everyday that Nothing's impossible, we share very Precious moments, and living in such hapiness i can Suffer well, because I know there's someone in my life now that make all this mattersand if Love is considered a pain so now it's A pain that I'm used to.
that mas my few thoughts of my
life , helped with words of Depeche Mode
thanks for reading it all
